Good morning everyone,

I realised I haven’t blogged in 10 days.. if I was a YouTube vlogger, I would be getting so much hate right about now. But I’m not a vlogger and I haven’t been getting hate so it’s all good.

Some of you reading this think you know me, but how many of you know how my brain works, what I’m feeling and when I’m feeling it?, the things I dream about and the way I do things? What scares me? And what excites me? — I don’t have many close friends at all. I’m not ashamed to admit that, I actually enjoy having a rather small social circle. Where most of my girl friends are actually in relationships with my brothers. — I’m down for it.

A saying that is so relevant in my case; ‘Less friends, less bullshit!’ — I go by this 100%.

I’m excited by the small things in life, reading is my main activity! I love reading, my favourite author right now has to be LESLEY PEARSE! By a long shot.. every book of hers that I’ve read has me in amazement, she has such a way with writing and the best thing about her books is that they bring back a time of when female characters weren’t involved in a lot of things. But each of them are hero’s in a time I wish I could go back to. I haven’t finished reading all of her books as there are so many, but I must say that the books I fell in love with and got me hooked on LESLEY PEARSE were; Remember Me and the Belle trilogy. 

Enough on books, so maybe one thing you didn’t know is that I’m actually a right book worm! So my social life does go out of the window a lot, but that’s fine with me. I’d rather a night in with a good book and a cup of tea. — Not your average 23 year old, but what can I say? Life’s great as it is. 

My dreams; I don’t really have dreams, because I don’t like being let down. Although you have to go and get what you really want, I’m not the confident. I don’t dream for much, just happiness, I’m happy right now, but it’d be better with someone I can share my happiness with. I miss the cuddles in bed, waking up to someone who actually wants to be there in the morning. Spend lazy days in pjs or tracksuit bottoms, eating junk — shooting up insulin.. With all my past relationships, they have been good but just with the wrong people, they wanted to shoot for the stars and I’m just happy being here on the ground, staring at the stars instead. 

I wish my family a happy life, although tough at times, I will always support my family. I’m so grateful to everyone in my family, My mum, dad, 4 brothers and my little sister. My nan and gramps who sadly passed over 10 years ago. And not forgetting my Uncle Michael. These people have shaped me in ways I wouldn’t have been able to do myself. And of course we have my 3 Nephews and my Neice but they are all babies, I don’t want to pick favourites because I love them all the same. But one of my Nephews.. Harry, pushed me out of my rock bottom phase and made me a better person. My oldest brother said something to me when I had just come out of hospital, ‘I don’t want to explain to him when he’s older, why your not around’, I remember that like it was yesterday. I thank him for his words, although harsh seeming at the time they were what I needed.

I guess I am one of them people, the ones who say they regret nothing in their past. Because I don’t, I made a lot of mistakes and wrong choices but I regret nothing. It made me who I am today, taking 2 overdoses and self harming as much as I did made me want to make something more of my life. I saw the pain I was causing my family through my darkest time and I need to stay strong for them. They are the ones that will get hurt through it all. Not me, I’ll float away, but they will be left with a hole, that will never go away. No matter how many times they try to smile and laugh, they will always be left with a scar of me in their life’s, that’s not fair on them. 

To wrap this up, as it’s getting a little heavy with emotion, if anyone who has read this is going through something similar, who just needs a face to speak to without judgment being passed, don’t hesitate. I will just be a listening ear, I will give you advice but please don’t take it if you feel you don’t need it. We all need a little help in this world, us as humans aren’t kind enough to each other, so let’s try and change it.

Gem!x

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